It’s about Fathima and ‘Ali


There is a secret in Ali’s deep heart that never told to anyone. Fathimah, his little friend, dearest daughter of Rasulullah, the Prophet Muhammad, and his cousin as well, has captivated his heart. Her modesty, her faith, her agility work, and her appearance..

Look at that girl, one day when his father back to home with bleeding wounds and his head was smeared by camel entrails, she carefully cleaned and wiped it with love. She burnt the rag and put it on the wounds to stop bleeding.

She did all of it with misting eyes and crying hearts. Muhammad ibn ‘Abdullah, Al-Amin, don’t deserve to be treated such by his people! Then the young girl come up! She bravely walked to Kaaba. There are, the leaders of Quraysh was laughing to their action to Rasulullah, the Prophet, suddenly gripped by silence. Fathimah scolded them. Time seemed to stop, did not give a chance to their bitch mouth to replied.

Awesome !

‘Ali didn’t know whether that feeling is love.

Yet, he was startled when one day heard the shocking news. Fathimah got a proposal marriage from the most familiar and closed man to the Prophet. A man who defended Islam with his proverty and soul since the first treatise of Rasulullah. And no doubt to his faith and his akhlaq (behaviour), Abu Bakr Ash-Shiddiq, r.a.  Continue reading

Behind the name of My LO!


Dalam sebuah nama terdapat sebuah doa kebaikan bagi sang buah hati.Pemberian nama menjadi sebuah kewajiban bagi orang tua saat bayi dilahirkan. Hal tersebut merupakan kemulian dan kebaikan pertama yang diberikan kepadanya maka hiasilah dengan nama dan julukan yang baik. A good name has a good impact on the soul for the first time we hear it. Sebagaimana sabda Rasulullah Shallallahu álaihi wa Sallam “Sesungguhnya pada hari kiamat kelak kalian akan dipanggil dengan nama kalian dan nama bapak kalian. Oleh karena itu, indahkanlah nama kalian” (HR. Abu Dawud dari Abu Darda)

Begitulah, my Lovely One born with the name “Kanaya Nayyara Tsabitah”. Kanaya means a girl. Nayyara means radiant, shining and Tsabitah means firmly in place, unshakeable. Harapan padanya menjadi seorang perempuan yang bersinar (dalam kebaikan) dan teguh (dalam ketataan kepadaNya) menapaki kehidupan dunia yang hanya senda gurau belaka.

Nama itu sebenarnya baru diputuskan (disepakati) seminggu sebelum Nayyara lahir, setelah muncul beragam nama lainnya yang akhirnya “klop dengan nama tersebut”. The mother insist on “her name should mean shining/radiant/lightning and the place where she is born” but her father insist that her name should has”Tsabitah that means unshakeable”, or Masyaíl Arrayan (my previous account facebook). Tapi akhirnya muncullah nama Nayyara sekarang. Kanaya Nayyara bagi sebagian orang menggambarkan orang Sunda karena pengulangan, tapi sebenarnya tidak disengaja haha.We just find it so cute when we say it, so just it.

We hope she would be a person like her name😀

 

Story of Miss K Birth


Amazing bonding power between a baby and a mother, I could tell it, it was lovely amazing! Me and K, my precious one in my life now. Two weeks before labour, I told my baby “Dedong, please come after we meet Gillian for the last time”. Then on 7th April, day before my labour date, it was my last check up with my Midwife. That day was a week before my due date on April, 14th 2016. My midwife told me that if on 14th April there is no sign of labour, I need to do induction and many procedures to make my baby born before 41 weeks. It sounded uhmm scary, haha. So I told K, “please be born before or on 14 th April”. And she was amazingly cooperative with me. She was born on 8th April 2016, 7.45 pm at Leeds General Infirmary, Clarendon Wing.

We went through a lot of stressful when we were waiting for the baby all day. My water broke around 2 am and you know, i was panicked back then, i tried to wake up my husband, but you know, jeez he didn’t get it, and got back to sleep. “Oh,please!” hahaha. After my husband got her mind back after sleep, wkwk, we rushed to call the hospital, and went there. And then the midwife check on me, whether i have the contractionS yet, is there any bleeding, she checked on my pulse and the baby’s and asked how is my feeling? Continue reading

Last Month Pregnancy


49 days in Leeds. Waiting my beloved BB, you may call her Baby Burley, when she arrives here. Haha. Lama jarang buka blog, lalu teringat untuk sharing tentang kehamilan di UK, yang menurut saya very amazing, but sometimes annoying with the procedure, but better from Indonesia.

Sebenarnya sharing lengkapnya lebih enak kalau usia kandungan sejak awal, karena proses pemeriksaan yang sangat signifikan dan menyeluruh, plus tanpa kita minta, hehe. Saya datang ke Leeds, UK saat usia kandungan 30 weeks with no health document or maternity notes from previous Obgyn, jadi GP nya sedikit kaget. Tapi Alhamdulillah ketemu midwife yang ramah dan penyayang, Mrs. Gillian.

Bedanya pemeriksaan di Indonesia dan disini apa sih? *Based on my experience, will vary for some people* Continue reading

Unexpected Miracle


Some people, most of them, will really happy when you heard that you are going to have a new family member. But, please forgive me dear DD, i did not have the same feeling as those people. Usually, their first new member will make the mom to be feel excited. Quite the opposite, i did not feel excited though in my deep heart i really looked forward to him. Sadly, i did not have the common feeling of my newborn to come soon, at least in my bad situation now.

So, i did some terrible things in my 1st semester. I undergone the check up after i was told by my co-worker, it was about 10 weeks. I went to the obstetrician reluctantly, after hours. Then…. the nurse called my name, and i went to the doctor room. The doctor is one of the famous female doctor in my town, and she has a brother who was the actor of one of the traditional hero in indo, called wiro sableng, hahaha. Can you imagine that? Ok, back to the topic.

She asked nicely, this and that, and she asked, “so where is the father?”. I said “he left a month ago”. “Oh, i see. So he left after give you this without a trace?” She winked. “He left the trace, doc, let’s check it up”. “Ok!” She smiled.

“So, hmmm, this is his heart, it beats strongly, good sign” she told me while she was humming. I just said, “ok”. “He is about 10 weeks” she ended the Ultrasound check.

Continue reading

Imaji dunia mimpi


Sore ini hujan, alhamdulillah. Setelah seharian panas yang luar biasa. Hal yang paling kurindukan saat hujan adalah menangis sesenggukan mengeluarkan butiran butiran yang lama terpendam. Bukan kehendakku. Hanya saja, entah mengapa ia selalu datang tanpa kuundang. Sepenuh hati kutahan tapi tetap saja, ia mengalir deras membasahi bantal yang selalu kupakai untuk menutupi suara tangis. Walaupun rasanya sesak sekali tertutup bantal, setelah seminggu terakhir  kesulitan bernafas. Wew.

Baiklah si anak cengeng ini kembali berkubang dalam ketakutan yang sama. Makin parah malah. Karena anehnya kemampuan untuk membuka paket amplop saja, bisa membuat sakit kepala dan sesak nafas. Biasanya aku terbiasa dengan sakit kepala ini, tapi kali ini tak begitu. Gertakan tembok pun tak mampu menghentikannya. Ah. Padahal buka amplop doang. Toh isinya kan sudah pasti bukan bom atau virus zika yang sedang tren saat ini. Tapi kenapa? Mendadak keringat dingin tangan gemetar. Orang yang melihat akan menganggapku tengah menemukan ulat didalam amplop.

Hingga saat ini pun, paket itu hanya teronggok dibawah meja. Sengaja kuletakkan disana agar mataku tak hinggap dan sakit kepala sesak nafas dan beragam tamu lainnya tak datang mengetuk tubuhku yang tidak karuan ini. Orang lain yang kuceritakan pasti menganggapku si gila yang tengah kumat. Ah mungkin benar sekali. Aku yakin, saat orang-orang kuceritakan ini, mereka akan menganggapku tidak waras atau ah paling itu akal-akalanku saja.

Andai akalku bisa bekerja dengan baik, mungkin aku tak akan begini. Tapi, yasudahlah, hanya membuang waktu untuk menjelaskan perkara yang tak ingin dipercaya orang. Sulit.

Yang bisa dilakukan lagi lagi, membentengi semua pikiran dari hantu hantu jahat yang selalu datang malam malam setiap jam, hingga kau tak tahu lagi berapa kali kau terjaga dari tidurmu, atau bahkan kau acapkali tak tidur semalam suntuk. Paginya sudah bisa ditebak! Shubuh shubuh aku akan tersungkur menangis, kenapa begini lagi?

Kesalnya, kenapa mimpinya dengan subjek dan objek yang sama, yang berbeda hanyalah latar cerita. Jika dibandingkan dengan the conjuring movie, aku lebih senang dengan menonton itu berkali kali semalam suntuk dibandingkan dengan mimpi2 yang selalu bertandang saat tidurku.
Continue reading

Keluarga Jaksa Penuntut


Saya bercita cita jika kelak memiliki anak, saya tidak ingin jadi seorang jaksa penuntut. Maksudnya? Ya, saya hanya ingin memberikan arahan, pendampingan, dan pengawasan, tanpa perlu mendikte anak saya untuk ini dan itu. Saya ingin memberikan pilihan-pilihan, dimana setiap pilihan ada konsekuensi nya dan harus mereka pikirkan dengan baik untuk kemudian diputuskan sesuai keputusan mereka.

Saya dibesarkan drngan aliran keluarga jaksa penuntut, dimana beberapa hal saya harus melakukan apa yg orang tua saya katakan (inginkan). Padahal saya memiliki keinginan yang berbeda dengan orang tua saya. Alhasil, terkadang berdasar pengalaman saya, walaupun mengerjakan sesuatu atas permintaan dan rasa hormat saya kepada orang tua, tapi ada sedikitnya rasa tidak suka dan senang ketika menjalaninya. Rasanya benar benar hampa.

Pikiran lain yang mengganggu saya adalah memberikan beban secara tidak sengaja kepada anak saya kelak. Contohnya, jika anak saya kelak lahir dari seorang ibu yang cacat, sedikitnya pasti ada beban seperti rasa malu dengan kondisi ibunya, maka sebagai orang tua harus benar – benar menyiasati bagaimana agar kita tidak menjadi beban bagi anak dan meringankan, dengan memberikan pemahaman dan sudut pandang terkait konsep takdir dan sabar n syukur sejak kecil dengan keadaan misalnya. Semua tentunya perlu proses, tidak ada yang instan.

Atau contoh lainnya adalah beban psikologis dan tuntutan terlahir dari keluarga ningrat/darah biru/kaya raya/status sosial kasta tinggi. Kayak Melly dan Iyan (efek nonton anak jalanan wkwk). Terkadang orang tua secara tidak sengaja menginginkan partner hidup anaknya yang juga satu status, satu kasta. Simpelnya, anak itb rata2 (nggak semua kok) menginginkan suami/istri anak itb lagi, karena agar satu pola pikiran (mungkin sama2 biar ngerasain tersesat di gku barat).

Intinya ada banyak orang tua yg kadang akan menuntut anaknya untuk mendapatkan pasangan hidup yang sesuai kriteria keluarga mereka. Contoh lain jika anak menginginkan kuliah jurusan ini, tapi orang tua menuntut untuk mendapatkan jurusan itu. Tuntutan tuntutan orang tua baik secara sadar atau tidak, kadang menjadi beban psikologi tersendiri bagi sang anak. Mungkin saat menjadi anak dia terlohat bisa menerima , namun ada kasus dimana, pola pengasuhan anak tipe jaksa penuntut ini bisa saja secara tidak sadar ia terapkan saat si anak memiliki buah hati.

Saya tipe manusia yang bercita cita untuk menjadi orang tua yang menjadi sahabat sang anak. Bukan bossy pendikte apalagi penuntut. Penuntut yang baik biar jadi anak sholeh dan beragama sih ga masalah, maksudnya menuntut anak agar disiplin terhadap dunia akhirat. Kalau menuntut sang anak untuk berduniawi saja dan membanggakan kita hanya didunia pandangan manusia saja sih saya tidak mau.

Semoga saya bisa menjadi ibu yang tidak menuntut anaknya untuk ini dan itu, tanpa memberikan jalan mandiri terhadap anak2 saya. Ah dan semoga saya menjadi ibu yang bisa menjaga lidah saya agar tidak menyakiti anak anak saya. Aamiin

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I miss my old days


I never imagined in my life that I will have mental illness. Some people said it is a state that hard to be cured. Need treatments and efforts. And it is always coming back. Even so don’t lose hopes, many disease will always have its medicine. Do you believe it? I do.

Do you have any traumatic event in your life? I do have it. When I was around six years old, I climbed the Rambutans tree and my hand holds its branch under the banana leave that covered that branch. I felt some needles touched my palm, when I opened the banana leave I saw a big white caterpillar with its long fur. The moment I saw it, I fell from the tree, it was about 2 meters above the ground. I had psychological illness called phobia on caterpillar since then. You know what? I could see the small caterpillar from 3- 5 meters around me. I don’t know why, I just can feel it. So if you are around me and you see a caterpillar, don’t ever say it, unless I will run and yell uncontrollably.

The other traumatic event that I got is dealing with people. It is like social disorder, but my psychologist/therapist specifically called it anxiety disorder. It happens all the time for the past year, but I can consciously realize for 5 months ago until I have many effects and symptoms about it. Lucky me, that my psychologist said that my logic works perfectly to minimize the effects. Well it was 3 months ago. Now at this moment, I can’t use my logic anymore. My psychological has played the role of my life, hard to use my logic.

Continue reading

Oh, Please!


Suatu kali temanku bercerita tentang kisahnya, yang membuat tenggorokanku tercekat. Seperti cerminan saja pikirku. Ketika dia bertanya pendapatku, semakin aku bingung. Saat ini, dalam masalah ini aku menghadapi hal yang sama, bahkan aku memikirkan hal yang ia pikirkan. Tapi buru- buru kugubris pikiran ini, jadilah aku hanya menyampaikan, bahwa semuanya harus dilakukan bersama. Semua harus ikut andil, dan saling membantu dan mengerti, yang satu tidak hanya diam saja, bahkan bertanya “apa kau terluka saja tidak?”. Karena dia bukan orang yang mudah peka atau empati, ya belajar.

Aku mengerti, kataku padanya. Aku tahu, saat kau menjelaskan padanya dengan kata – kata, dia bahkan hanya akan terdiam dan meminta maaf, dan saat kau menjelaskan apa yang kau rasakan, bagaimana perasaanmu, mungkin ia merasa akan cukup dengan memelukmu. Pada kondisi ini, aku bisa menebaknya, jawabku tertawa (eh lewat Wa deng ketawanya).

Dan saat kamu merasa butuh masukan, butuh penyelesaian, tak jarang ia mungkin tak tahu harus bersikap apa. Sabar aja. Mungkin ia akan berubah seiring berjalannya waktu. (ah aku cuma omdo sih ya Allah, aku berdoa untuk kebaikan temanku ini padaMu sajalah, cuma jadi temen pendengar setia aja).

Tapi yang paling mengagetkanku adalah ketika keharmonisan itu tak kunjung dicari dan mendapatkan titik temu. Buru-buru aku menceramahinya (sok iyeh banget gue *ngaca*), “Pikirin dulu say, hmm.. obrolin bedua sambil honeymoon kedua gitu, mungkin bisa mencairkan suasana.” (aslina gue ngaca). “When someone’s story is similar to yours, and the moment they told you, it feels i saw my own problem” hikshiks

Terus pada akhirnya aku nyeramahin dia (*baca = diri sendiri) “da didunia mah ga ada yang sempurna, kalau kamu mau nuntut gini juga, kalau partner kamu ga ngerti (atau mengerti tapi tak tahu harus berbuat apa) ya wayahna weh (sundana keluar xixixi), berarti kamu emang disuruh berjuang sendiri, ampe kalau perlu ke psikolog (RSJ sekalian “mencairkan suasana”) yaudah jalanin aja sendiri (Astaghfirullah, kalau pernah mikir pengen mati aja beberapa kali itu tergolong distress berat, *belajar psikologi*), kalau kamu ngerasa sakit sendiri, ya sabar weh gitu. Anggap weh kamu sedang berjuang sendiri sama saat kamu masih single beberapa bulan lalu. Berat sih, ceu. Tapi mari kita berjuang!!!

Grandma


I walked along the path that leads to the park i always come. I saw many leaves fall down and blown by the wind. There are many people there, elder, couple, teenagers, and children. So much expression that i couldnt guess whether is fake or not. So am i.

Some people will tell you that your’re a happy person. Yeah. But none knows the truth. Remember a saying, that you never know what kind of experience that people through in their life, so don’t judge.

I sat down on the bench across the playground. Took some fresh air and closed my eyes. It was quite refreshing, when the wind touched your skin. I just sat down quitely, kept watch the children playing.

A grandma came with her grandchild sat next to me. She smiled brightly, and her young grandchild greeted me nicely. The grandchild was playing with his new friend from nowhere. They seemed enjoy it.

The grandma started to ask me. Well, bit reluctant in the beginning, as always when i met new people. Minute later i enjoyed to chat with her.
“Married?” She asked and pointed out to my finger.
” i hope i have not yet” i answered her bluntly.
“Is something wrong?”
“Too complicated, but noone seems to know, to help, or even to guess, what is going on with my life these days. I spent all days in my room, cried over something which i didnt understand why”
“Well, young ladies are you trying to break the ground alone?”
“Do you think so?” I giggled.
“Yeah, it did write on your head” she winked.
“I always did my own things alone. Dont think that i dont like any help from others, but it just, noone can catch up my head, even the one that i think possbibly can catch me or just console me, but yeah i cant be helped” Continue reading

What is “love”?


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Just watched an indian movie. The actress asked the main actor “what is love?”. The main actor said (more and less)”i dont know what love is”. And she said “love is a painfull feeling, lucky you that you have not been fell in love”.

Suddenly i remember a friend asked me about marriage (im telling you this like a pro huh? Well i’m trying myself, anyway). Marriage is not the world full of love, oh please, it is not. Well the first time, it is, but then you can try by yourself. I dont mean to scare you or anything, i just tell you the realty. Like a life, it always has a good and bad side, right? So marriage does. But then again, it is all about a test of how grateful you are to His gift. Continue reading