Ok, ladies, this another note from Ummi Ledia Hanifa about searching or waiting a mate. Hope it can help you to drive “galau” off.. Haha..
Once, Rasulullah pbuh ever asked to a Shahabah with the same question, three times in different times, “Are you married?”. This implies that Rasulullah hoped that the young get married. Rasulullah’s question is motivation state so that the young start to think about marriage and doesn’t spend his life in being single.
We also know together in order to prevent the moral damage (depravity) that occurred during The prophet Luth ‘alaihisalam, he offered the people of Sodom to marry his daughters and the daughter of his nation. But they turned it down until they got Allah’s punishment (azab). Naudzubillahi mindzaalik.
Umar bin Khaththab did the same thing to his son, Ashim. One night, on the trip to observe his people lifes, Umar found a girl who sells milks with the strong faith. Then the next morning, Umar had Ashim to marry that girl. Then, as we know, one of their descent is Umar bin Abdul Aziz, one of the Khalifah. Umar did the same thing, when his son-in-law (Hafsha’s husband) died. He travelled to shahabah and asked their readiness to marry his daughter, but no one deigned. Then he complained to Rasulullah, after that, Rasulullah married to Hafsha.
Abdul Halim Abu Syuqqah in his book, tells about Mauritanian woman who asked a pious man to marry. When that pious man was shocked, that woman simply stated, “Why are you surprised?Do I offer an adultery, I just offered something which Allah is allowed?”. Long story short, they are married.
Another story, some times after Ummul Mukminin Khadijah, ra died, Rasulullah is approached by a woman who offers herself to marry. Her courage arose because she felt pity to see Rasulullah with a heavy burden in dakwa and doesn’t have companion to share. Because Rasulullah isn’t pleased, one of his Shahaabah asked his permission to marry that woman. After the wedding, that woman turned back and offered Rasulullah to marry with women who has been chosen by her, Shauda bint Zam’a and Aisha bint Abu Bakr.
So many stories have been read, shows that a mate is a destiny afforded (taqdir ikhitiari). Even though Allah has been set it, but we never know who will be our mate. So that, it’s okay if we look for our mate as long as we don’t break syar’I rules that Allah set.
My teacher once said, “If you feel need to say ‘Would you marry me?’ first, then go ahead. But better if you do a little investigation, in order to prevent any regrets, or ask someone to be your mediator. And you should know when you say it first, you already know the consequences, ready accepted and rejected. And do it in shar’I way.”
My friend writes this on his site :
when there is a pat hand, when both sides are a good person, the losers are those who refuse. Because he lost someone who seriously build common ground with him, to fulfill religious in a good way. While those who rejected only lost people who aren’t serious build a common ground.
For some people is not easy, because the feeling is feeling, not as simple as 1 + 1 = 2.
But you know, every single thing needs process, and in my opinion, its ok to confused (galau), because that is one of learning for some people, and hopefully finally get the door of goodness.
When it is intended for Allah, why should end just because humans?