I walked along the path that leads to the park i always come. I saw many leaves fall down and blown by the wind. There are many people there, elder, couple, teenagers, and children. So much expression that i couldnt guess whether is fake or not. So am i.

Some people will tell you that your’re a happy person. Yeah. But none knows the truth. Remember a saying, that you never know what kind of experience that people through in their life, so don’t judge.

I sat down on the bench across the playground. Took some fresh air and closed my eyes. It was quite refreshing, when the wind touched your skin. I just sat down quitely, kept watch the children playing.

A grandma came with her grandchild sat next to me. She smiled brightly, and her young grandchild greeted me nicely. The grandchild was playing with his new friend from nowhere. They seemed enjoy it.

The grandma started to ask me. Well, bit reluctant in the beginning, as always when i met new people. Minute later i enjoyed to chat with her.
“Married?” She asked and pointed out to my finger.
” i hope i have not yet” i answered her bluntly.
“Is something wrong?”
“Too complicated, but noone seems to know, to help, or even to guess, what is going on with my life these days. I spent all days in my room, cried over something which i didnt understand why”
“Well, young ladies are you trying to break the ground alone?”
“Do you think so?” I giggled.
“Yeah, it did write on your head” she winked.
“I always did my own things alone. Dont think that i dont like any help from others, but it just, noone can catch up my head, even the one that i think possbibly can catch me or just console me, but yeah i cant be helped”

“So are you alone now?”
“Yeah, i am, this place was used to be my playground in first grade. So”
“What is going on with your partner?”
“Don’t you want to meet him?”
“What for?”
“Well, maybe just to say hi or have lunch together”
“I dont need that, we always ended up busy with our own things. Yeah. It happened all the time”
“Well, couple nowadays, it was really different from my time. We used to spend our time together with just chit chat, eat, far from all gadget things. I think you have to try these old things sometimes.” She smiled.
“Nice try. But now, i would like to arrange my life alone, try to do things and decide it by myself. Right from the start we were created, we were alone. And we are going to die alone also. Though in the meantime we met people, they came and left. But we are really alone at last, just ourself and GOD.”
“Hmm.. that seems really big fuss in your head. But, why is your partner gone?”
“Long story short, he is going to catch his dream,so”
“Shouldn’t you be happy about it?”
“I am happy, why not”
“Hmm.. but your expression told me you’re not”
I just chuckled. ” ah, maybe my happines is beyond my sadness, but am really grateful for his achievement. I just need to fight my own problem, then it would be better. Haemoni, why do you want to listen to my story?”
“Because you look so depressed, and seem noone to talk to. ”
“Well, thank you. It doesnt mean i dont have someone to talk to, i have my own friend who will listen to me, but i just dont want to bother her life with such a mere person. And i should have one, but i just dont want have such thought that i will get solution which i never get, so i dont want to feel dissapointed anymore. I truly have people around me, but it just, i never talk about my problem to them. I dont know”
“Haha,, and why do you tell to someone you never met before?”
“Ah, i you are right, i dont know either, it was just slipped out of my lips, i cant hold it”
“No, it was because you look like to tell your story to stone, so you told me your thought easily”
“Do you think so?”
“Feeling somewhat better?”
“Yeah a little, but why people who are not my family seems to be a real family, than a real family? It seems they are more prudent to act towards me than my own family?”
“Because, they don’t know about you.”
“How do you mean?”
“Sometime people will treat you based on what they need even if they don’t know your situation, this is like your boss in your job. The other people will treat you nicely based on your situation, if something went wrong they started to ask,”what is wrong with her/him? They will search your condition, they will ask, then they treat you accordingly, but these people are hard to find, but maybe you can find it in your parents. But you have to understand many people just judge one another base to what their think are right, without look for the evidence to proof their judgement.”
I just smiled and nodded, concetrating to what she just said, though i dont really know what she meant.
“Soo.. would you like to sit here till night? Its gonna be rain tonight”
“Hmm.. i will take a minute more, before i left. Thanks for the chatting, grandma.”
“Okay, i have to go, my grandchild course time, nice to meet you, young lady”
“Nice to meet you too, thanks. Bye Gwen.”

I took some time later to close my eyes and breath. What was going on with me?

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