Walking

Solvitur Ambulando

a Latin phrase that means “It is solved by walking”. In an article, Bonnie Smith Whitehouse (an English Professor) argues that walking is a way to be more present, ease anxiety, spark creativity, increase productivity, and detox from digital overload (that is, if you don’t walk with your face in your phone). – Quartz.com

I somehow agree with her. Since I’ve been living in UK, I like walking to anywhere, in fresh air, and wide pedestrian is provided for the citizens. You will not see any kind of bizarre thing here like pedestrian in +62 country. You can walk freely. Walking makes me relax. I spend almost 24/7 at home, so breathing some fresh air while walking is a good way to calm my mind, to ease my anxiety. It is also to keep your body healthy.

I usually turn off my mobile data whenever i am away from home (g punya data 🤣🤣🤣) . It makes me stop staring at digital world, and start to look our surroundings. You can see how nature around us, also the people, you can start your day with talking to people instead of your phone. More than half a day we spend our time in front of the phone, laptop, tablet, etc and many times unconsciously we loose happy moments with kids even your spouse, family and friends.

I love travelling without a phone if i can (but in millennial world today you use your phone almost for anything, from GoogleMaps to pay your toilet entry fee). It is crazy to see your phone is more valuable than a partner 😅😅. My travelling last week, made me question my self, “should i just marry the Mr. Phone?”

Last week i traveled to London, i sat in the middle of a couples (in front my seat) and two middle aged ladies behind. Two hours train journey was spend in front of gadget, both couples busy with theirs. I rarely heard they talked. Different from the ladies, they kept chatting along the journey about anything women can talk, from food to fashion, kids, wedding and so on. I didn’t mean to overheard, but they were loud 😂 so i was able to heard what were they talking about. They even offered a pack of oreos because my 2nd DD made a tantrum and kept crying.

To be honest, i’d like how the ladies can spend their time with chatting instead of busy with their gadgets. I am always bit angry when a person who travels together is busy with their gadget or even worse you can feel he is present but his soul is somewhere else. It feels you are walking alone.

When was the last time i chatted with my spouse during travelling? I don’t even remember 😂😂😂, poor me but i should accept and face it, what can i do? It is when, your existence is defeated by gadget. I am no longer fun to chat with or am i that boring? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 LOL with tears

Okay that’s fine, already usual thing in life, you know that habitual action.

Back to walking thing, when you need to freshen up your day, walking is the best way to do, it is cheapest, can be done anytime. And anyone can do it.

Mental Health Issues (2) : Post Partum Depression or Postnatal Depression

Having a Perinatal Depression through out my first pregnancy was really difficult. When i had anxiety attack, i could cry with or without a reason. I always feel angry and sad at the same moments. It was difficult for me. My mom’s sickness also played big part. I feelt so hopeless that i wouldn’t be by her side any time she needs me. I can’t do anything. I hate this kind of feeling. It made me feel, marriage is the biggest mistake i chosen. I was full of anger, yet I was sad.

In that state, my baby didn’t grow as she should be. She was always underweight of any fetus growth chart by age, whenever i checked it with the obsgyn. They told me to have my meal nourished and doing some happy things. But it’s hard, crazy hard. I can manage to eat healthy meal, but barely got enough sleep without nightmare.

The psychologist i met earlier, suggested me to have hypnotherapy to ease my mind. But i had no time, since my mom’s cancer was worsening. I did feel like, my mom comes first than myslef or even the baby. Then, someone called husband came to picked me up, to join him to his Ph.D Studies overseas. It is somewhat helping me to have a nice sleeping times. Though I still worried about my mom and other things. There were times i couldn’t close my eyes a whole night, i was so scared that the nightmare will come again. I cried many times in my prayers. Did not know, it was my anxiety that worse, or i just had home sickness and i missed my mom. I can’t tell.

The husband? He just tried hard to make things better for me. I know he was. But at some points, i grew an indescribable feeling on him, mixed with sadness, anger, and guilty. It was confusing. You know, the folks say “the first 5 years of marriage is the hardest” and it is.

My first daughter born normally as a tiny baby, since she born less than three kgs. And the drama continues as i recovered from giving birth. A midwife or a health visitor who came to check on me at home few times said, i had mild postnatal depression and i need to go to GP to get some helps. I just said ok, but i didn’t go. I did went crazy, from crying or speak full of anger to my husband or keep ignoring him. He didn’t not aware what i was going through back then. He was said “why do you always angry?” which is made me even more angry. And again i keep this to myself, fought the battle alone. Keeping myself inside a tiny room.

Faking a smiley happy face whenever people come to see the baby. But inside of me, unstoppable bleeding from the painful birth experience and other things that happened before it. Mixing feeling about happy sad anger annoy and any other emotions come into the bowl of my mind. Hormonal changes after birth made my physical and psychological worn out. Exhausted!

To this point, i have not been able to speak out about this. Even my husband seems not to care. So i keep living with a new role as new mom. I do not know why, the nightmares just come every other day, not so often as before. But the fears and worries still there. As time goes by, i feel better. Perhaps, my DD existence tired me out till i dont have enough room to overthinking my worries. Having baby will make you a bit weary, right? So you don’t have time to recall the bad thing that happened.

But in the short period after give birth, some women tend to have PPD. If you feel it worse and affect your daily lifes, please seek help from professional for your own sake. Tell your husband and family. And for the husband, learn that, support your wife, do not be an ignorant who just know how to make the baby, but also have some responsibility over your wife’s mental health which is as important as physical health. And PPD also can happen to men, so better to learn that from early age of pregnancy. Supporting each other to have a blissful life, a healthy marriage.

I am not a person who can tell anything inside my mind to anyone, rather than gobbling it myself to my mind. Hoping person closest to me understand and help me. It never works though.

If you feel you are struggling with any kind of depressions and you keep it to yourself, and you’re closest person can’t notice it, you’ll done for. So please seek help. I kind talk this to my self. Be happy.

Mental Health Issues (1) : Perinatal Depression with Anxiety Disorder

Came across so many posts regarding mental health issues “PPD, PND, or baby blues” or anything in Perinatal Mental Ilness, i thought i should share my own experience about that. It’s true that some people might have negative stigmas about it, but there are alot more people that accept it as their normal life. I might be wrong though.

I, first encounter this kind of issue ever since my marriage 4 years ago. Never in million ways of thought i would experience it. Never. I thought marriage life is easy peasy, happiness overload, with some crumbled plain flour in the cake batter. Newlywed moments was too overwhelming that i forgot to look after around me. And that was all started.

I began to encounter so many unpleasant things, which i do not have right to explain or to clear those misunderstandings. I will have to nod peacefully. I was sitting there like a defendant who did disgusting adultery and broke a family. And then me again, a scene from Drama, when some whitepeople are speaking racism towards the female who wears black abaya and niqab, leaving her frightened eyes which fights the bullying in silent.

But, in that moment i couldn’t do anything. I froze my mind, i stood there, nodded, and tried to grasp the things that happened earlier. What did i do so wrong? Where did it go wrong? And was i a low life being? The first time, i looked down on myself.

Unfortunately, i keep repeating this chant “i am low life human being, i am the worst being” , like the magic spell, it turns my world upside-down. I kept hating myself, and the worst thing i started to hate my own family. I keep thinking, i shouldn’t marry or even worst i shouldn’t be born into this world.

In this moment, i had no one to talk to. I kept this from my family. Started to locked myself in a room. Spent the entire day in the bedroom. Pulled myself from social life. Ignore things that makes my life go down.

Soon after, a fatal blown came. I found out that i was 11 weeks pregnant. It can be said, it was much more enough to add the upside-down of hormonal changes as well as psychological changes. Everyone who concerns about my pregnancy annoys me alot. The moment I walked into the obstetrics unit alone in that state, I felt like I just got someone threw some rotten eggs straight to my face. It was totally crazy moment. But still, i am so grateful that i kept the baby healthy.

Day by day, i wasn’t feeling okay, it was worsening. I started having nightmares, every night. Thought of suicides, even i harmed myself without i realise it. Pregnancy hormone maybe has something in it (?). I was hung by that question. Can’t find peaceful way to live my life.

Fortunately, i have a sister-like senior from high school that i admire so much. So i started to open up my problems to her. I explained everything to her, to have another point of view of what is happening to me all this time. How pity full of me!

She asked me to meet a Psychologist. There, i went with her. Oh, i hate every single thing that i should explain again and again. Trembled hands with fear, teary eyes, and breathless. Can you imagine? Some people who known me for a long time, would never think i came across that mental health issue. Me either.

After chatted for hours, he diagnosed me, Anxiety Disorder. This thing! I asked, why am i having that? Actually this can happen to anyone. Anxious about a thing is normal, such as result of exam. But when you have it for a long time, that would become an illness.

In my case, the stories i experienced for the past eight months of marriage was a turning point, a trigger that i have this anxiety disorder. Poor feelings or hurt feelings that i got, i stored it in my subconscious mind. Without i realise it, i keep those fears, worries, or any distressing emotions deep down in my mind. Like a ticking bomb, boom! It exploded when i can’t cope with those triggers.

I gave up to that! Falling down! Hopeless!

What should i do then?

Let Me Introduce Him

He was sitting on his chair next to the window, while sipping a cup of his favorite coffee. His hazel eyes and dark brown hair are looking so handsomely through that window. His posture, ah, do not even tell about that,  he is the perfect one that all girls want.

A few years ago, we were just a stranger with totally, totally different world. But today, he is the one who always sits beside me, looks after me, listens to my whole day story, he is the one who chooses me among other girls he met. Ask me why? I don’t even know, because he just say “there is no particular reason, because you are just nice and i can do silly things comfortably”. As simple as that, yes!

And me, why did I accept him from any other man who came? “It’s just click, I love to talk about anything, that’s why you know, people who knew me for along time say that I’m a talkative person, and talking to him for hours is really enjoyable moment in my life”. For Goodness sake, I miss him every now and then. Looking to him smile every time is really nice and I love him more.#

Then, here we go, in this small and compact apartment, we decided to hold hands and enjoy our moment together from now till death do us part. And our story begins…

Love never ask for a reason ?

Gusty Wind

Kesendirian itu melelahkan, tapi kadang membahagiakan. Sendiri, jauh dari halauan delusional delusional yang bahkan tak sadar menyapa. Sendiri itu lebih menyamankan diri dari emosi emosi yang terpendam, yang menuntut untuk dijejalkan. Sendiri, hal yang paling sering menyapa. Lewat angin kencang yang memporak porandakan ranting dedaunan, lewat udara dingin menusuk, ataupun lewat sang matahari yang malu malu dibalik awan mendung.

Kadang kesendirian menjadi teman keseharian detik demi detik, bahkan mungkin hingga Tuhan memanggil. Bahwa pada awalnya memang tercipta untuk sendiri, kemudian akan dimatikan dalam kesendirian. Sesederhana itu.

 

Segerakan!

Beberapa waktu lalu diingatkan lagi tentang perkara – perkara seorang muslim yang perlu wajib disegerakan, sesuai dengan hadis berikut : Dari Hatim Al-Ashom -rahimahullah- berkata :

“Dikatakan, “Ketergesa-gesaan itu dari setan, kecuali dalam lima perkara: menghidangkan makanan jika tamu telah hadir, mengurusi jenazah jika telah wafat, menikahkan anak gadis jika telah baligh, menunaikan utang jika telah jatuh tempo, dan bertobat dari dosa jika telah melakukan dosa”. [HR. Abu Nu’aim dalam Al-Hilyah (8/78)]

Perkara yang ingin saya share kali ini adalah menunaikan utang jika telah jatuh tempo. 

Hadits shahih dari Abu Hurairah rodhiyallahu ‘anhu, Rasulullah shollallahu ‘alaihi wasallam bersabda: “Jiwa seorang mukmin itu tergantung karena hutangnya hingga hutangnya dilunasi” (HR Imam Thurmudzy).

Betapa berat persoalan utang ini, bahkan ketika seseorang meninggal di jalan Allah, Allah akan menghapuskan dosa dosanya, kecuali Hutang. Dari Abu Qotaadah radhiallahu ‘anhu :

“…Lalu ada seorang lelaki berdiri dan berkata, “Wahai Rasulullah, bagaimana jika aku terbunuh di jalan Allah, apakah dosa-dosaku akan tertebuskan?”. Maka Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam berkata, “Iya, jika engkau meninggal berjihad di jalan Allah dan engkau dalam kondisi bersabar dan berharap, maju dan tidak mundur”.
Lalu Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam berkata, “Bagaimana yang kau katakan?”. Lelaki itu berkata, “Bagaimana, jika aku terbunuh di jalan Allah, apakah dosa-dosa tertebuskan?”. Maka Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam berkata, “Iya, dan engkau dalam kondisi bersabar dan berharap, maju dan tidak mundur, Kecuali Hutang, sesungguhnya Jibril mengatakan hal itu kepadaku” (HR Muslim no 1885)

What kind of stripes make you look slimmer?

Vertical ones, surely?

Nope.

According to research carried out in 2008 at the University of York, it is stripes running across the body that make the wearer appear more trim. The experiment asked people to compare over 200 pairs of pictures of women wearing dresses with either horizontal or vertical stripes and say which of them looked fatter. The results showed conclusively that, with two women of the same size, the one wearing the horizontal stripes appeared to be thinner of the two. In fact, to make the women appear to be the same size, the one in the horizontal stripes had to be 6 per cent wider.

Led by psychologist Dr Peter Thompson, the York team had been puzzled that the conventional view that vertical stripes are ‘slimming’ went against a famous optical illusion, the Helmholtz square, in which a square filled with horizontal lines appears taller than one filled with vertical ones.

Flying With Baby

Yara was sleeping in baby Bassinet (Emirates)

The first time flying with baby and long journey can be really worrying and tricky. Sebelum berangkat cari cari info, maskapai mana yang baby friendly, tapi setiap tanya ini dan itu, pasti semua orang punya persepsi masing – masing dong ya. Akhirnya kita hanya cari cari info apa yang harus dilakukan saat terbang bersama bayi apalagi bayi yang masih 6 bulan. Maskapai yang kami pilih jatuh pada Emirates. Alasannya, suami saya pengen nyobain pesawat double deck. Haha. Lalu nyobain transit di Dubai Int’l Airport yang katanya keren itu.

Lalu apa saja kebutuhan bayi saat berpesawat ? Ini sama saja dengan keperluan bayi kalau keluar rumah, yaitu :

1. Nappies/popok
2. Nappy sacks/kresek/plastik untuk popok bekas
3. Baby wipes
4. Travel changing mat/alas buat ganti popok
5. Hand sanitizers
6. Tissue
7. Baju ganti

Jika bayi sudah mulai weaning bisa bawa cemilan atau makanan bayi atau bisa pesan baby food di maskapai saat melakukan pemesanan ticket plus terkait baby bassinet untuk bayi < 1 yo. Lumayan loh 8 jam perjalanan gendong bayi kalau nggak ada baby bassinet, at least kalaupun si bayi nggak mau ditaruh di sana, bisa digunakan buat nyimpen barang haha. Selain itu barang tambahan seperti baby toys (optional). Perlengkapan diatas dibawa di cabin loh ya bukan baggage.

Penné Tofu Cheese

Bake Penné Tofu Cheese

Ini adalah resep mirip Mac & Cheese, mudah dibuat, mengenyangkan, dan enak. Bahan bahan yang digunakan :

1. Penné  kurleb 100 gr (bisa menggunakan ravioli, macaroni atau fussili, kalau pasta model spaghetti atau fetucinni mungkin agak susah buat bayi, tapi kalau mau dicoba silahkan)
2. Tofu sesuai selera
3. Mature Cheddar dan Slice Leicester Cheese sesuai selera
4. Wholemilk/Susu murni 300-400 ml
5. Potato Starch (boleh menggunakan terigu biasa, hanya berfungsi sebagai pengental) 1-2 tbs
6. Butter 1 tbs
7. Spring Onion (optional)
8. Parsley (optional)
9. Merica (optional)

Cara Membuat :

1. Rebus pasta penné hingga matang, tiriskan
2. Masukkan butter kedalam panci hingga mencair (api sedang)
3. Masukkan Wholemilk, aduk
4. Masukkan potato starch/terigu aduk hingga mengental
5. Masukkan cheddar/varian keju lain seperti mozarella/parmesan, aduk hingga merata
6. Masukan spring onion
7. Masukan pasta, aduk hingga merata
8. Masukan Tofu
9. Masak hingga matang dan creamy
10. Sajikan dengan taburan parsley

Dengan seperti ini saja sebenarnya sudah bisa langsung disantap dengan syarat tingkat kematangan pasta nya pas. Nah, karena ternyata pas udah dicoba si pastanya masih belum matang betul, tapi sudah creamy dan mengental, (lama-lama dimasak malah gosong), akhirnya saya oven, jadinya bake Penné Tofu with extra Cheese. Selamat Mencoba! Enjoy this with your baby.

 

Yara’s Weaning Journey

Pekan ini gadis kecilku genap berusia 10 bulan. Ternyata, waktu berjalan begitu cepat. Sebagai mahmud tentunya banyak adjektif adjektif yang membersamai kami selama 10 bulan ini. Sekarang Yara sedang hobby manjat manjat benda benda yang tinggi, berusaha berdiri sendiri, berjalan dari satu ujung meja ke ujung meja lainnya. Tak jarang ia terjatuh, karena tak mampu menahan berat tubuhnya yang sebenarnya mungil, haha. Atau ia akan berteriak teriak jika sudah bosan berdiri, karenaaaaa dia belum bisa duduk sendiri dari posisi berdiri, maka ia akan berteriak dan menghentakkan kakinya. Haha.

Lalu bagaimana perjalanan dalam hal weaning? Wowwowwow… Luar biasa susah sekali makannya. Haha. Pertama kali saya memutuskan untuk mengikuti metode BLW (menurut HV hal ini bisa merangsang kemandirian dalam diri anak saat makan, melatih motorik juga). Apa sih BLW? Saat saya pulang ke Indonesia 3 bulan yang lalu, sahabat saya bercerita dengan heboh tentang metode ini, baru masuk Indonesia kah? Atau mamak mamaknya baru ngetrend? Tak tahulah saya. Saat diceritakan saya angguk angguk senyum aja. Hihihi. Karena Yara sudah menggunakan metode tersebut saat pertama kali mengenal makanan.

Tapi hal ini hanya berlangsung 2-3 pekan, akhirnya mamaknya menyerah, jadilah mixed with spoon feeding method. BLW (Baby Lead Weaning) digunakan saat Yara makan fruits, baby snacks, rice cakes, biscotti, steam veggie, atau string cheese, walaupun main meal tetap disuapin Bunda. haha

Nah, awal awal BLW Yara suka gagging, ahaha (emaknya ketawa, jahat bingit) tapi alhamdulillah nggak sampai choking. Perjalanan makan dari yang dia raba raba makanannya suka bikin ngakak, gayanya macam megang hedgehog, padahal cuma kukusan cauliflower/broccoli. Udah gitu diliatin, diputer puter pakai tangan, bolak balik dari tangan kiri ke tangan kanan, dimasukin mulut, terus dijilat, adalah mungkin 15 menit dia explore makanannya hingga ia mulai masukin mulut dan diemut atau dikunyah asal langsung telen.